Lena: If I pray the Rosary, will Mama Mary allow Daddy to come back?

Marcus: I wish I had a dad. I wish my daddy was stronger.

Noah: Daddy can come home now.

Oliver: I miss Daddy.

My dear Lena, Marcus, Noah, and Oliver,

Do you remember the day I told you that Daddy wasn’t going to be able to come back home? Your dad was in the E.R. and the doctors just got his heart beating again; they were getting ready to transfer him to the ICU so you could see him and I had to prepare you for what you would see. You all came to the hospital. I told you that Daddy’s heart stopped working and that he was not going to come home this time. I told you that he was going to be attached to a lot of machines and he won’t be able to open his eyes or hold you. No one’s heart broke more than mine that day; it broke once for losing my best friend, and four more times for each of you.

Lena, you asked if we could send Daddy back to Mexico because he was doing better when he was there. Marcus, you grew up right before my eyes in the few seconds it took for you to stop your tears. Noah and Ollie, you were both so, so small.

I think it is unfair that you won’t have your Daddy with you as you grow up; I think it is incredibly unfair that you will only be left with a very faint memory of Daddy’s big hugs, silly dance parties, and incredibly loud pep talks. I think it is unfair that you won’t see the pride in his eyes and the brightness of his smile as you accomplish all the things ahead of you.

But I also know that you are four of the luckiest kids in the world. Not too many kids have a Daddy interceding for them all hours of the day. You are four of the few whose Daddy will always listen, and he won’t ever interrupt. Your daddy will forever be your hero, because you must know that he did everything he can to be with you for as long as he could despite his illness. He prayed for you before you were born, and I am certain he is praying for you now. He was the strongest man I know, and you are all incredibly lucky to have him as your Daddy.

It is O.K. to miss Daddy. You will remember him on some days and you might not think of him for a while. You can cry when you miss him. You can laugh when you remember the fun days you had. You can smell his old shirts (and I won’t wash the ones that still smell like him). You will miss Daddy your whole life, and that’s O.K.

Daddy is a part of you; he is the best part of you. He is in your laughter, in your dance moves, and in your boundless energy. He will always be in your heart, even if we can’t see him anymore.

Be brave little ones. We walk this road together.