Dear Stephen,

Twenty years ago, I wrote you letters. Funny thing about long distance relationships is that you really learn to bear all things and hope all things. Nothing much has changed in the last 20 years has it?

It’s your birthday today. On your 30th birthday, Lena, Marcus and I whisked you off to Mexico for the quickest little getaway. Just our little family with baby Noah growing inside. We shared you with so many people those days – with your colleagues, friends, team mates – it was nice to have you all to ourselves. It was also your last birthday before you faced leukaemia again. Every birthday of yours was special because when you are only given 2 weeks to live when you are 23, every year you get after deserves a celebration.

So today, we remember and celebrate you. Today, we will have some bubble tea for you. Today when we visit you, we will make snow angels (if the weather permits), and sing you a song really loudly. Today, I will allow myself to feel your loss much more than I usually do. Today I will brave the tears and take out your pictures so we can share stories about your dance parties, all the silly things you did, and what a great dad you were. Today I will hold our kids just a little tighter and kiss their sweet faces just a few more times because you live so loudly through them.

Tomorrow, I will honor your legacy and continue the work you have started.

Happy birthday my love.